The Frenemies Conversation

the frenemies conversation

Are you a worn-out mama who has a kiddo suffering from frenemies? Or maybe you just want the tools already in your arsenal for the first conversation when it happens? Read-on for some conversation points!

the frenemies conversation

The Frenemies Conversation Tip #1

Tamp down the mama bear instinct to protect and keep calm. You need to keep your rational head because your kiddo is going to be full of emotion. You’ll want to jump in and rescue, but don’t.

This is your chance to help them deal with life on their own with some guidance from you.

The Frenemies Conversation Tip #2

Ask for details about what’s going on with your child and their friend. Normally there’s drama because a third friend is in the mix and three’s a crowd. This is the case for boys and girls mama!

The Frenemies Conversation Tip #3

Explain that bullying is about someone having power over you. The way that you react can make them feel like they have more power.

Talk about how their frenemy is going to be nice to them some days and then use their power over them the next. It might seem like things are looking up and then they will take a turn seconds later.

The Frenemies Conversation Tip #4

Empower them by telling them they are in control of their choices.

The first is they can choose how they feel about everything. Nobody can make them feel any certain way. Talk through how they feel when their frenemy turns on them and how they can choose to feel differently.

The second is they can choose their friends. They don’t have to keep a friend that tries to make them feel bad about themselves. Or they can choose to keep the frenemy and know that they will continue to hurt them. In the end, it is their choice.

The Frenemies Conversation Tip #5

Make sure they know they can share with you every time they have issues with their frenemy. You will continue to be supportive of them and be there, no matter if they choose to keep them as a friend or not.

Remind them there is help when you aren’t there. They can talk to a teacher or counselor at school.

The Frenemies Conversation Tip #6

Rinse and repeat.

Unfortunately, you are probably going to have to repeat this same conversation over and over. Do the best you can do and remember that your kiddo is going to make choices you don’t agree with.

You’ve given them the tools to make it through and now they have to decide how to  move forward.

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  1. Jennice

    Just went through this with my 5th grader and her group of her friends. There was some “Mean Girl” type behavior going on and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. So my best friend,who is the mom of one of the girls involved told me how she wanted to call a conference between us(the moms) and the girls. Normally, I would not entertain this because I think unless it gets physical they should work it out amongst themselves. But since it was my bff and her child that were affected, I went ahead with the conference with us,the girls, and the assistant principal. Turns out there was a weird miscommunication between my child and my friend’s child and there was no real reason for them to be at war with each other. We figured out who the ACTUAL mean girls are and told our girls to stay away from them. And so far, there have been no more issues. Great advice!

    1. jkessinger

      I’m glad it worked out so well for you and the friend! We’ve had an instance where the mom was a friend and it did not go so well in the long run. It took time and maturity to fix the situation instead.


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